


What have you done?

by HolyMad



Series: SaphaelWeek2017, [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Day 7, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I'll keep posting bunny photos under 50shades on insta, I'm out of the show, M/M, but writing fix-its or analyses after every ep is too much, malec keeps growing but "he feels romantically for izzy", no thanks, roll credits 2x, tbh this was cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-03 22:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyMad/pseuds/HolyMad
Summary: Simon has to carry Raphael to the hotel. Because, as always, Simon did a thing and Raphael came running.But this time Simon apologises.Simon getting his shit together and using his Hufflepuff patience. Later. At the very end. Almost at the end (about the middle? idk) he loses his temper. Shortly. The reason would spoiler.





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> All the canon. A full slap in your face. Izzy is with a shadowhunter girl and happy. I started with Maizzy but... no. Why, when I can do this?

Raphael sways and stumbles against Simon, who catches him in time. “Oh, swy. Imtbetird. Abit?”  
  
Simon is nervous. His all-time saviour (Who needs Jesus, when you have a literal angel?) just encanto’d the freaking seelie queen. Due to their overall connection every seelie knows Simon is free. And hopefully Raphael, too. But they better get away soon before it wears off. Does encanto wear off? It didn't with Luke’s partner. Who is a mundane, not _the freaking **seelie queen**_. _What has Raphael done???_ “You can't walk. I'll carry you, you idiot.” He whispers, hoping that the ~~small~~ shorter vampire in his arms hears him. Only he and not some small bird which will tell some seelies lurking around here. “Can you hold a piggyback?”  
  
“I carrd u inn brdl styyyle. N u wr ded.”  
  
At least he can make out separate words now. “You are also some decades older than me. Come up, we'll try.” He lets go of Raphael and turns his back, crouching down halfway. Nothing. Simon sighs. “At least let yourself fall against me, again.” He does. Simon pulls Raphael’s arms around his own neck and lifts him up, legs around his waist. Raphael sags down and Simon moves a hand from his neck to Raphael’s feet. “Rapha, I can't carry you home in bridal style. I can raid a hospital once we're out of here but for now you have to hold on.”  
  
“I js savd u fom prrsin n u wann do mo crim??”  
  
Simon sighs and starts walking. This will be a long way of clutching to Raphael and listening to his tired nonsense. “Yes, if that means you won't completely pass out. Now be quiet and save your strength.”  
  
“Id neeevr pz out!”  
  
“Sh!”  
  
“Nu.”  
  
The third sigh in 5 minutes. Awesome. “I guess I deserve this. You might forget this until tonight but I'm sorry, Rapha. I pledged to say sorry to everyone and you're on top of that list. And my mundane family. And Maia. And Luke.”  
  
After an approving hum Raphael mumbles “Nt isssss?”  
  
“I hope I never have to see her again. I don't know. She's fake.”  
  
Raphael makes the weirdest sound ever. Approval, disapproval, surprise, unbelief. All in one hum. Simon chuckles.  
They make it silent until the nearest vampire club. Simon notices Raphael’s grip loosens and he enters the club. As long as he just drinks blood and not plasma he should be fine but Raphael whines. It surely is the loud music but Simon is actually scared to be busted. He can't steal from a hospital. “Hey, Rapha, I can't leave you outside. We'll just find someone to drink and bring you home, okay?”  
  
“Nu. Shot.”  
  
“You're already weak. I won't give you drugs.”  
  
Raphael chuckles sadly. “Bld glass.”  
  
“Hm, okay. I'll ask.” He _sighs_ and walks over to the bar. “Hi, do you have a glass of blood for my friend here?”  
  
“$ 200.”  
  
Raphael snickers but Simon just hands over some shimmery seelie bills(that he totally did not steal to hang them in his room), _suppressing_ a sigh. “Inflation is a bitch. One month ago it was 15. Will this do?”  
  
The bartender’s pupils dilate and he grabs the leaves. He pours four glasses of different blood types and moves onto the next customer.  
Raphael drowns all glasses and leaves his fave, B-, for last. “I'm bettr butit’ll taka whilntill mfine. Carrm home.” He walks around Simon and jumps back into the piggyback, almost choking him.  
  
Simon grins and speeds all the way home. The sun is about to rise. “If only I could just stop at Jace’s or Clary's and we wouldn’t have this problem.” He mumbles.  
  
Raphael tightens but changes it into a hiccup quickly.  
  
They reach the door and Simon knocks. Raphael has fallen asleep and Simon catches him. He moves him into bridal style, head in Simon’s neck. Raphael just drank. A lot. He can't be unconscious, can he? It's bedtime, right??  
  
Lily opens. “What are you doing here? Shouldn't you bang the queen or something? Celebrate your marriage? And why is Raphael unconscious in your arms? What have you _done_ , daylighter?”  
  
Simon beams. “Ew, that annoying bitch. No thanks. Raphael encanto’d her and I'm free. I hope. He's just tired.”  
  
She raises an eyebrow but suddenly looks friendly. “I'll show you his new room.” They walk down the all too familiar halls.  
  
“What happened to the old one? It was nice.” And had some memories attached.  
  
“You really don't know? What your new bestie did?”  
  
ANOTHER SIGH “Oh no. What has Clary done this time? I was gone for, what, a week? Time's weird there but I slept 6 times.”  
  
“A month. No, I meant the other girl. Bella.”  
  
“Isabelle?” How to politely say that she said it's Rapha’s fault? “Uhm, could you elaborate?” Yeah…  
  
“I'll assume she told you the same as Alec. She showed up here, addicted on yin fen from Aldertree, and made Raphael bite her. Instead of then telling her mum about it and putting that shadowhunter to jail, she came again. And made Raphael drink. Again. Despite knowing he had a hard time becoming clean all those decades ago.” (Simon gasps and strengthens the grip on Raphael. That's why he didn't want to drink from those people in the club! And maybe because it's quite sexual… He had a small crush on Jace for days. Unimaginable what it'd do if he'd drank his blood again.) “Yeah. In the end she threatened Raphael, Aldertree got a job in Idris, never had to tell how he got that stupid stuff and Alec beat Raphael until Magnus came to stop him. So you might agree that nobody here likes her. But giving you that she likely told you a different story?”  
  
“She just told me that he did some really bad things including drugs and then to show up at Rosa’s. And that mundanes would never accept vampires. Just like my own family.”  
  
“That bitch.” Lily sneers. “So anyways he took out the important stuff and burned the rest with hellfire, thanks to Alec. It was the first step of an apology. I need to- I forgot to get the key.” She runs off and comes back seconds later with a piece of paper. Perks of being a vampire is that you’re careful enough to write with a pen without scratching. Vampire secret writing.  She holds it up so that Raphael can’t see it.

 

 

 

 

> You can't fucking encanto the seelie queen. How? _stupid_? are you? Did you _ever_ pay attention in class?? Raphael played with you. Do what you want with that information. Stay here for today and watch him do not any more super suicidal shit. If he dies you also die.

  
  
Simon just beams again. He's also mad that Raphael probably endangered his own life to get them free. The following frown makes Lily smile. Then he nods towards the door.  
She opens it, puts the key in the inside keyhole. “Good day, daylighter.” Saying it, stressing that both very well know, that Raphael has listened to the whole conversation.  
  
Simon puts Raphael carefully into his casket and takes off both their shoes. “Scoot over. My sleeping schedule is messed up anyways. I can also sleep right now.” Raphael doesn’t move and Simon shoves the note in his face. “Lily got me a note. What have you done, Raphael?? Do you really think I'm leaving you right now?” Still not moving. “RAPHAEL! I know you're awake! Now give me space or I'll jump just onto you breaking all your bones!”  
Raphael speeds to the kerb. “That bitch. You're both traitors. Go away. Celebrate your traitorness with her.”  
Simon steps into the casket and pulls Raphael onto his chest. “You don't mean that. Now talk.”  
Raphael snuggles into Simon and simply lays there for some minutes. “She cut her hand, Simon. The second time she showed up. I told her I'm clean. That it took so long to get clean, Simon! So long! And she cut her hand. What was I supposed to do? It was either me or the next vampire. An innocent one from my clan. Mine. The rest that she didn't kill.” He sobs. Simon remembers the day they ‘rescued’ him and tightens his grip. He feels a crack and whines but doesn't let go a bit. “Not that I even had the strength to run away.”  
He kisses Raphael’s curls and whispers “It's over. I know it's hard. I'll stay here as long as you want me to.”  
Raphael just cries for ages.

  
“You know what, mister, You're grounded. No more of your freaking travesura! There isn't even an English word for all the shit you pull me through!! You finish the papers and bills. Then we'll look again.”  
  
“On my own??”  
  
Raphael raises his head and squints. You don't want to be near when Raphael squints. Simon just grins and kisses his forehead. “No. I look through your garbage. But you should know I love Isabelle now.”  
  
“Sure.” Raphael lays his head back down. “When did it start?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Your love. You just said she killed half of the clan. I met some of them, you know. I felt each whip and each arrow. I'll assume you didn't have a crush on her then.”  
  
Raphael stunns. “Uhm, I don't know. I think I did. Anyways she told me she loves me, too. We're a couple. Kinda. Jonathan Whatever-His-Name tried to separate us but he won't succeed.”  
  
“Yep. You go, angel. What do you feel now, here?”  
  
“Home. Extra home. It's weird. Not like with Isabelle.”  
  
Simon unmoving heart blooms. “Okay. And now?” He kisses Raphael's temple softly. “How does that feel?”  
  
“Nice. Right.”  
  
“Enough for me.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I've waited 15 years for Clary. I can wait for eternity to have you back.”  
  
“You’re crazy."

"About you, corazón." Forever.

"And stupid."

"Can't disagree on that one."

"One thing, you're not stupid at. Oh. What about Maia??”  
  
Simon shuffles his phone out of his pocket. “I'll send Izzy a message to go for her; I think she has a crush on her. And maybe not make me look like an asshole in return. I need to keep up the werewolf connection. And I don't want Luke to kill me.”  
  
“You think that works?”  
  
“She knows I can expose her. She better acts like she’s my bitch. Oh wait a sec.” Simon starts laughing.

"What's up, Si?"

"She says she'll tell Jace to catch. They had a thing before Maia and me. And apparently it was kinda cute. Mhm. Can I tell her that Clary has talked about her a lot? And that she might have a crush on her? Since you're so close she'll just say no."  
  
“It won't work. She loves me.”  
  
“I have to disagree on that one. I rather thinks she acts like that because she hopes you'll bite her again. She goes to AA meetings, she got that cool potion from Seb- Jonathan. She slays everybody in her way like she used to."  
  
“She wouldn’t lie to me. Can't you hear me? We love each other.”  
  
Simon chuckles. “Indeed. I love you, too, Raphael.”  
  
“That's not what I meant, baby.”

"Did you? Oh no. I'm sorry, Rapha."

"For that pun? Don't be. I know you do bad jokes."

"Haha. Funny. No. Clary just wrote. She has a date with Izzy on Thursday."

"No. You're lying. Stop. This is not funny."

"I'm really sorry Rapha. Not joking. Simon says."

Raphael gasps. This is serious. "Can I look?"

Simon just turns his phone and Raphael starts crying. "It's okay. You've ruined my life and my mind. Ruin my jacket."

"Th-this is p-payba-ck. Baby. But, but thisn't true! This _can't_ be true!"

"Rapha, look" Simon scrolls in his chats with Clary and Izzy. "I only sent a message to Izzy. How would Clary know to send this?"

"You... uh sent so-some shhhit to Claran deletit."

"Corazón. Mi corazón." Simon puts his phone away and cups Raphael’s head to kiss his glabella down to the tip of his nose. "I showed you the chat with Izzy. It says 'read'."

"I have to ask her."

Simon sighs. “We can talk tomorrow. Now sleep. Or let me sleep. I carried you through all of New York because you were too petty to walk.”  
  
“You moved me into a proper hold right before the hotel. I clutched to your back the whole time. AND I'm not petty I'm pretty. Fuck you.”  
  
Simon laughs lightly. “You're both, cariño. What should I have done when you acted like falling down?” No answer. He runs a hand in Raphael’s hair and massages his scalp. Then he presses another smiling kiss into the curls. “Good day, Rapha.”

 


	2. Saphael?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some weeks later, Simon notices Raphael changes.
> 
> Finished. Kinda. Not really satisfied with the ending but there is a proper ending in the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished now

Some weeks into their... friendship? Simon reflects on Raphael's behaviour.  
The clan leader came back - slowly. Simon was again assigned to do paperwork. He doesn't really mind. That's what he was going to do anyways as a mundane. Now he might not help greenpeace but read through vampire business which is exciting, okay? Sometimes Raphael sits down with him and checks over Simon's mess. It's surprisingly not that much of a mess. Day after day Raphael scans more quickly through the papers, looks less tired, happier.

 

 

 

Lily had assigned him to be Raphael's bodyguard - under the excuse of keeping both from pulling shit. So whenever he takes a break from his main job he's Raphael's shadow. Which does not help his crush. At all. Not like it's just that. A crush. So the first night he asks Lily to at least not sleep in the same casket as Raphael. They move Simon's coffin into Raphael's room and tell him to push it in front of the door at night. This first night, Raphael has a nightmare. Simon, having slept nervously, wakes up easily and runs to his friend. No shouting helps. Raphael moves too fast and lashes about. Sleepy Simon can't grip his shoulder to shake or pull him up so instead he lays down in the casket. It's way more complicated than the morning before but he makes it. Raphael sometimes hits him and Simon hugs him tightly which does make him wake up.

 

"Wha-what happened? Why are you here?"  
Raphael looks confused and tries to scrutinise Simon. It's obvious that he's too tired.

Simon chuckles and whispers "You had a nightmare and I'm your bodyguard. And your mind _is_ your body so I tried to help you. Also you might get some bruises from hitting the walls."

"Stop talking." Raphael rolls his eyes. "I just woke up and you talk."

"Just one thing okay? And then we sleep." Being the _body_ guard that he is, Simon wipes away Raphael's tears. At least he moves his hand there.

Raphael pats the hand away. "I can do this myself. Ask." He rubs his cheeks on Simon's shirt (and chest).

"Alright. Another shirt. Okay. Why didn't other clan members come? It's not like they can't open the door with my coffin in front of it. Are they used to your screams? How often do you have nightmares?" A glare. Kinda. Simon smiles. His leader is coming back. At him but that's trivial.

"You asked for one. Those just were five things including you whining about your damn clothes. And don't you dare tell them how they got dirty. I won't tell you anything."

"Four and I'll say I cried over the Troiker wedding. Please, Rapha. I have to know or I can't do my job."

"Damn, Lily. Since the first night when the Lightwood girl came I have them. They came more often over time. And the others don't hear anything thanks to Magnus. He soundproofed my bedroom. For silent days. Which you're ruining."

"Shit." Simon runs his hand through Raphael's hair and smirks. "Don't you think your bad dreams are ruining your sleep more?"

Raphael sighs not quietly enough and mutters "At least then I sleep. Now I'm awake. Go back to your coffin, fledgling."

"You slept yesterday. I'll stay here and hold you."

"You only want to sleep on gold." He huffs.

"What if there's a splinter and it pokes through my heart?? That's dangerous, Rapha!!" He flails with his free arm - and hits the wall. "Ouch."

"Just..." He pulls Simon's arm back around his shoulders. "Shut up and sleep."

"Good day, Rapha. I love you."

 

Raphael doesn't have another nightmare. Simon doesn't dare to suggest they spent another night apart in case it'd be okay. He might die for real soon but at least he has his Raphael in his arms.

 

 

 

So the only times he does not watch Raphael are at day actually sleeping and when he's alone in his office. Which means he spends a lot of time _with_ him. He studies his friend's mimics and movements. The way his determination comes back. The authority when he speaks. The certainty in his movements. It's improving.

A thing that also improves is their relationship. Raphael is not as rejecting as before. He talks less about Izzy. Less in quantity _and_ quality. It's less fond. Still very positive but not as naive as their first morning. He doesn't flinch away when they touch accidentally. He actually seems to enjoy cuddling before sleep. Raphael _smiles_. In general(frequently) but also at him(rarely). 

 

 

 

One afternoon Simon is awake before Raphael and looks down at him. He looks happy. Simon wants to pet his hair and wake him when Raphael nuzzles into his (clean!) shirt and sighs. "Rapha?" he breathes.

Raphael just hums happily and smiles. He's asleep.

"You know I love you, right? So much."  
SImon kisses into hair and goes back to sleep. His chest hurts. It's like his heart wants to beat again.

 

In the evening he thinks about how to confront Raphael, nicely. Either way he has to admit he kinda stalked Raphael. Accidentally but still. There is no way around it. So when they're working on some papers he just asks bluntly.  
"You like me, don't you?"

"I what?" He looks up with an unreadable face.

"I woke up in the afternoon and you smiled in your sleep."

Raphael takes a moment to answer. "Maybe I dreamt about killing you."

"No. You like me but don't trust me, right?"

The clan leader, yep he's back, snorts. "How could I? For every sensible thing you do, five stupid travesura follow."

Simon looks down at his hands and kneads his fingers. "I'm sorry. But I meant when I said I'll try my best. For eternity."

"Good luck with that."

"I love you too much not to."

Raphael smiles sadly. "If you keep saying that I might believe you one day."

 


	3. Saphael and Jaia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue I added in the first chapter.

A few months later Maia sees Saphael together hand in hand; there was gossip but she didn't believe it. Their relationship was ages ago. Okay, maybe a year or a half. But still. Weird. She's not jealous. She's with Jace and really happy. Once she told him he'd be a good and honest person -or single- he dropped the attitude. More or less. He tries. She excuses herself and goes to Simon. She has to know one thing.  
"To be honest, our mess got me Jace so I could be more mad. But I see you only liked me, right? Not _like_ -liked."

Simon looks down.  
"It would have been so easy to love you. If we had had more time."

Does that help? Not really. But the one thing.  
"Did you only date Clary to know what it's like to have your childhood crush returned?"

Raphael has turned away but he can't fake ignorance anymore and looks right at Simon. "Did you?"

Maia grins and folds her arms. She looks expectantly at Simon.

He shuffles with his feet.  
"Maybe?"

"Tell me."

Simon steps closer to Raphael and takes his hands in his own. He takes a deep breath and when Raphael looks confused he looks down to their intertwined hands.  
"I never stopped loving you but when Izzy spread those lies I just tried to ignore the feelings. It didn't work. I missed you so much."

Some tears creep into Maia’s eyes and she hugs Simon tightly from behind.  
"You didn’t really like her either, did you?"

Simon shakes his head slowly.

By that time Jace has arrived. Nervous. Simon hears his heartbeat.  
"H-hey she's m-. I'm. Her boyfriend."

Raphael smirks.  
"You learn, shadowhunter."

Maia gasps exasperated  
"Boy, you have no idea how hard this is! I have to remind him all the time."

Jace blushes which makes Simon gasp.  
"Oh shut up, nerd. Maia, please don't tell more shameful details. I just ... uhm got you? I don't want to die from embarrassment."

"You got me?"

Jace's blush intensifies.  
"I uh didn't earn you so there's that. Or received you. Or... I don't know how we even happened. Just thank you for being you and being there and..."

Simon whispers "Let's go, Rapha. This is too intimate for me. A tad weird because she's my ex but I really don't need to see Jace acting human. This creeps me out."

Raphael just whines until Simon shoves his shoulder with increasing force. They eventually turn around and walk a few steps.  
"You're _boring_!"

Simon grins and leans their foreheads together.  
"I'm your boring."

  
"Your first smart sentence tonight, baby." He kisses Simon chastely. "Okay, let's leave. I have a feeling there'll be a makeout session. Loud. At least _we_ 'll hear it all over the place. We come back tomorrow, cariño."

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon?? I could go 400 years into the future and make Simon forget Izzy. But I wanted to torture myself. It was fun, though. Esp. the epilogue. 
> 
> Beware: From now on I'll publish all the garbage until I don't know anymore. No matter how shallow the talk is. I won't accept being called acephobic when the fic is about overcoming acephobia. Or rather breaking up with an acephobic asshole for real love.


End file.
